The Instant Way to Feel More Confident (that almost seems too simple)
by Robin Sacks
I am asked this question a lot:
"How can I feel more confident?"
The quick answer is to start telling yourself you are confident.
That seems so simple, but it is the answer to the question.
It is impossible to feel confident if you are inside your head telling yourself how bad you are at something or how nervous you are or how unprepared you are or how you can't do something.
Confidence cannot exist with "I can't" and "I'm not."
Confidence comes from a positive shift in your self-talk.
Confidence comes naturally when you begin telling yourself you can and you are and you will.
Confidence cannot exist where there is too much thinking, but confidence comes naturally where there is doing.
Confidence evolves with optimism.
So, if you want to feel more confident, you need to learn to become more optimistic in both the thoughts and words you choose.
You need to commit to seeing the solutions, not just the problems.
You need to commit to seeing answers, not just questions.
You need to commit to seeing what is going right, not just what is going wrong.
Negativity has become a disease in our society. Everything it touches makes you feel...well...not confident. Instead, negativity makes you feel out of control, nervous, anxious, stressed and unsure.
Optimism makes you feel in control, more calm, less anxious and more aware of positive outcomes and possibilities.
“Turn your face towards the sun, and the shadows fall behind you.” (Anonymous)
Depending on which of these outlooks you habitually adopt, you will be a either a problem maker or a problem solver.
Pssssst. Here's a secret...problem solvers feel more confident.
Want to make a few little shifts that will have a big impact on your self-confidence beginning immediately? Here are three ways to start doing it today!
1. Choose to remind yourself it is partly sunny, even when it is party cloudy.
- If you never noticed it before, pay attention to how the weather forecaster typically uses the words "partly cloudy," but rarely "partly sunny." They are the same thing!!! If you choose to only see the negative side of things, you are always going to miss the positive (even though it is right in front of your eyeballs).
2. Do it consistently.
- If you choose (there's that word again) to "try" doing this once or twice or five times and then say, "this doesn't work" or "why can't I do this" (see the irony there?), the obvious response is, of course it's not working...YET. It took you a long time to create the habits you already have. Give yourself a chance to develop your new habits by giving them some time to become actual habits. Cut yourself some slack. It isn't going to happen tomorrow, but it will next week or next month or six months from now if you just do it. The time is going to pass anyway. Wouldn't you LOVE to be able to feel confident naturally and regularly every day of your life a year from now because you didn't give up once you started?
3. Take a breath before you open your mouth (every single time).
- This is such a simple, yet underrated fix to most of our stress and confidence issues. Getting in the habit of taking a breath before you talk is one of the most powerful feelings you can create for yourself. In just a moment, it gives you the oxygen to think, the clarity to reason, and the feeling of confidence. A single breath calms you. Imagine how that would change your level of stress/anxiety/nerves if you only did that consistently! The difference between reacting and responding is...you guessed it...one single breath. It puts you in control and gives both your body and your brain a moment of pause. Confidence lives in that pause.
“Choose to be optimistic. It feels better.” (Dalai Lama)
There is power in realizing that you create most things in your life. The choices you embrace, the decisions you make, and what you continuously tell yourself (real or made-up) will determine the outcomes you get.
Take control with this knowledge and begin right now telling yourself, "I can and I will." Then, go do it. You will be amazed at how quickly feelings of self-confidence show-up.
Then, remind yourself that YOU did that.